It's Always Been Love
by Prodigia
Summary: Love. All this time, it's always been love. But by the time he realized it, it's already too late. /"She will leave soon." / "Gilbert? Why are you even here..?" / "To take you away, off course!" / PruHun One-shot! Read & Review?


**Hetalia is not mine. The characters are not mine. Himaruya Hidekaz ©**

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**.**

It was raining hard today. The sky, raging with thunders, looks frighteningly pale.

"She will leave soon." Ludwig's baritone voice echoed in every corner of the room– breaks through the dead silence of the rain drops.

_I know she will; and I know it can't be another way around. _But to hear that very plainly said… –I've guessed so. I still cannot accept it.Things rushed into my mind; her brunette hair, her voice, her laugh, her smile… I can no longer embrace all that perfection. Things can no longer stay the same. Someone else will own her. Someone else will hold her hand. Someone else will laugh with her.

An avalanche of fear rushed through my body, making my knees tremble. I don't want to lose her. _Never._

I stared at Ludwig; he looked as blunt as always. How could I look this weak in front of my brother? I don't even have the energy to stance up and be the knight that I am. Instead I ended up with despair embedded clearly in my eyes. "…what should I do?" The words run out of my mouth before I even realize it.

Gilbert threw an earnest look to me. "If you're a man, you will be honest to her and to yourself."

I rolled my eyes. _As if it's that easy_. If it is, things wouldn't end up this way –shit._ And now it's already too late._

We got drowned in an awkward silence once again, before Ludwig gave me a big, long sigh and got up from his chair. "Well? Guess I'm out of here. Got some business to do. Stay strong."

"Yeah.., thanks." I muttered. But Ludwig has already left, as the door slams quietly.

Alone with the sounds of the rain, my mind repeats the same words, like a broken tape.

_Elizabeta…_

**.**

**.**

**.**

_2 years ago…_

Today day was a dazzlingly sunny day.

I'm feeling weirdly cool this time around. I guess it's just that I've always been cool all the time. Yeah, I'm sure that's the cause.

But a cool someone can't do anything without some fella to mess up with. I'm bored out of my mind. Ludwig's been hell busy with the war he's recently in against the Allied. Basch is taking his sister to Kiku's house only to teach her some self-defense –that guy's one serious dude. Hence, I've ran out of guys to annoy lately; I've got no one to play with. And let me tell you, it sucked.

After a moment of reconsidering what to do, I decided to depart to Roderich's house to drag Elizabeta away. _Yeah, Elizabeta!_ She's an even greater playmate to fool around, even more than Ludwig or Basch or anyone else!

Elizabeta and I –we used to fool around together when we're still two little kids. I guess it's around the time of the War of Austrian Succession that we began to grow apart. It's weird to see her pointing a sword at me in a real battle. I have no idea why did she help Roderich at that time. And it's not like I'm interested to find out, really.

She then left to live with that Roderich bastard, and well, I can't do anything about that. What the goddamn hell is so good about that piano-playing sissy, by the way?

As my mind wanders, my feet had got me to Roderich's house. The last time I went to Rod's house, it was half a year ago. I forgot in what occasion that was. Someone's birthday, I reckon? If my memory wasn't wrong, Roderich's house hasn't changed at all.

And so is that girl, Elizabeta.

She's sweeping the backyard –Is that the hell she has been dragged into all this time?! For a moment of hesitation, I just stood there, staring at her.

Now that I think of it, how long has it been since the last time I saw her? And her brunette hair –it's longer now. Backlit by the golden ray of sunlight, her figure looked so… _beautiful_. I don't remember her looking so pretty. I realized how much I missed her.

"El! Let's go kick some ass!" I screamed, jump off the fence of the backyard, then ran directly at her.

She looks no less surprised than as if I'm a robber who's asking her to give both of her kidneys. "Gilbert? W -Why are you even here?"

"To take you away, off course!"

Even until now, I still can't define the meaning of the gaze she gave me at that very moment.

For a moment of hesitation, we just stood there, staring at each other's face in a blissful silence. I don't know why, but even if it's just that one simple occasion, I want it to last a little bit longer. But no, fate decided to screw up with me some more, as it turns out.

Roderich showed up and started on his speech, "You're not taking her anywhere. Now go away, if you would please, Mr. Beilschimidt."

_What in the seven hell is wrong with this guy?! _

I actually want to answer that by calling him by his last name, but unfortunately, I forgot what his last name was, so there I go, "That's none of your concern, Roderich. _Outta_ my way, I'm taking her for a day-off. Be a good person and let her go with me this one time."

That sissy bastard gave me a judging look for another annoying 11 seconds, the 11 seconds which I can actually use to beat him up. It feels like forever before he finally said, "Okay then. Not too long. Enjoy your day-off, Elizabeta."

I don't understand what is the meaning of the pressure he gave to me while saying that, but whatever. I got El to play with me! This is great!

Without a single word spoken, we walked up a hill, not too far from Rod's house. It feels weird to have her beside me again. Her hair got longer –I've said that, haven't I? – And she looked rather mature. Maybe it's just me who's too naïve to think she wouldn't change at all.

"Gilbert."

I panicked. Now that I listened to it closely, even her voice had changed. It's lower. Softer. "Um, yeah?" I mumbled awkwardly.

"Why did you come?"

I looked far away. How will I answer that question? _Because I miss you. _She will think I'm joking. In the end, the only thing I could tell her is, "I'm sorry."

We fell in silence once again, but the next thing El said surprised me. "I'm sorry too."

"Why are you even sorry?"

"You don't know why?" She laughed.

"Nope."

"You're an idiot, Gilbert."

"What am I being an idiot for?"

"Nothing."

"You–"

"Now, now. What did you said before huh? Why go all-talk in here? Let's go kick some ass!"

_There's the El I know. _And with that, she ran down the hill, her brunette hair waving behind. She hasn't changed at all. Really. My best pal, Elizabeta.

I ran after her. "No leaving me behind, hey!"

I followed her, going even further from the city, getting into the woods, running alongside the river. Running, and running further. We didn't say anything, just smile and laugh at the fact that we did the exact same thing we used to do years ago. She made me realize just how much I missed her; again and again she did.

The sun goes far up on the sky, but for some reason, I don't feel tired. Elizabeta is bliss. And every moment I spend beside her is bliss.

"Here we are." She suddenly stopped under a big willow tree on a riverside.

I looked up to the tree. My mind brought back some old memories from my childhood. Right under this willow tree; practicing sword, telling stories about the wars we're going through, sometimes just lazing around the day, lying under the warmth of the summer sun.

The tree is bigger now. And so do us. Things are no longer the same as the time flows. Somehow it makes me feels a slight sorrow.

I walked towards her. "Why did you choose this place?"

She gave me a sincere, kind stare before answering, "Because I miss you, Gilbert. I miss _us_."

I feel like my heart is about to burst from my chest. "You aren't serious."

"Actually, I am quite serious." She sat, relaxing her back on the trunk of the tree, closing her eyes and whispers softly, "Weren't you missing us too?"

I sat next to her. I pulled her head to my shoulder. The weight of her head on my shoulder and the smell of her hair made me want to hug her, here and now. "You know the answer to that question, Lizzie."

"I miss you calling me that." She smiles again.

I smirk. "Don't you feel like an idiot, saying that kind of thing to _me_?"

"Nope," she answered lightly, "Just for this time, I won't tell you lies. I've been hiding this feeling for too long, Gilbert. Let me tell you I miss you as much as I want today."

I just died and went to heaven. So it's not only me who's been crazy thinking about her all this time along. I tried to control my voice. "Well? Go on."

"And oh–I miss beating you up. Could I?" She got up, and gave me that look that make me just cannot refuse.

"Alright. But don't you dare think that I still can't win over you, Lizzie. I'm far stronger now."

"Huh really? Let's see."

"Don't regret this."

"Promise, I won't. Give it your best and don't hold up."

I shrugged. "Sure. Start first."

And that is the last gentleman stance I did before once again came out as a loser in front of her. She threw me to the ground before I even realized it. I can't even managed to do some cool moves. Man, she's still stronger than me. Never, not even once in my lifetime I could beat her. Not even now. But somehow, that fact made me feel a tad bit relief. _There are things that stay the same._

She fell on her knees, laughing next to me. "You're as weak as always!"

"It's just you who's too strong." I pant. My back feels sore, but that doesn't even matter anymore.

She then lay beside me on the grassy ground. "I really do miss you, Gilbert."

I smiled; decide to not saying a thing and just grasp the moment. She continued, "You really are my dear best friend."

Those words throbbed my chest, in one way or another. I ended up once again staying silence.

We lay there until the sun started to make its move to the west side of the sky, coloring the sky in pink, purple, orange and red. We enjoy each other's presence, laughs, and talks about everything and nothing at the same time.

At the end of the day, we had a fun time in each other's company. Just like we would in those old days. We run all the way to Roderich's house and arrived there at around 7 in the evening.

And now it's time to wave each other goodbye.

"Well, then. See you later, El."

It's really hard for me to finally manage to say that word. I hate 'see you later'. It's so open-ended. When is 'later'? I want to come and see her again as soon as possible. But then again, 'see you later' is better than 'good bye', now that I think of it.

"Hey, Gilbert," She whisper, really low that I can hardly hear it, "Take me away again later, okay?"

Without waiting for me to say anything, she walked off to the door, and closes it quietly.

_Yeah,_ _I will definitely take you away, _I thought as I saw her shadow off behind the closed door.

_But as it turns out, I never would._

**.**

**.**

**.**

_6 years ago…_

Today, clouds are filling up the sky above.

I lost on a war against Roderich.

"And I'm telling you, it's not because I'm weak. He's nearly losing, for god's sake." I tried to convince Ludwig. I will not let my brother think so low of me.

"If it's not 'cause you're weak, then what is it?" Ludwig responded ingenuously.

"It's Elizabeta. What the hell is wrong with her? Why is she helping that guy?" I didn't even try to hide how depressed I am.

"Bro, think straight. She must have some very good reasons."

I pouted. This is quite unusual of me. But, I'm just outright confused. _Elizabeta!_ This war got nothing to do with her, yet she came and pointed her sword at me. She helped Roderich. She made me lose my war.

_What the hell is wrong with her?_

It's not like I come to hate her. She got her reasons, I believe. But I can't help this weird feeling inside my heart. What is this feeling? It's making me uneasy… No, I can't possibly hate Elizabeta. Nothing can make me hate her. But if it's not hatred, then what is it?

Wait, could it be…

No, this _can't be_ jealousy. I mean –The Awesome Me, jealous? Ahahahaha –_…okay, perhaps that's the truth. _I _am_ jealous. Elizabeta is mine and I won't let her be someone else's. I hate seeing her with someone else. I hate it when she cares for someone else. I am simply jealous_. _And now I'm mad, but I don't know who to blame.

_Gosh, I've missed her already…_

**.**

**.**

**.**

_10 years ago…_

Today is one of those slightly-chilly days in the beginning of winter. The snow was yet to cover the ground.

"Lizzie! Lizzie, listen!" I ran down the hill, straight at Elizabeta, who is lying beneath a big willow tree on the riverside. My small hands held a sword, my first sword, a short one with a silver handle, and the sharp, double-sided blade covered in red, dried blood.

Elizabeta got up and stare at the sword in my hand, then into my eyes. She looks calm and not surprised.

"How's your first war going?" She asked calmly.

I sat next to her. "Nice," I murmured, "We won. There are so much dead people, blood everywhere, and yelling."

She raised an eyebrow. "How does it feel? Killing people, I mean."

I fell silence, thinking her question through. I hate it that she is not excited about the fact that I _actually won_ the goddamn war, and asked a philosophic question instead. How does it feel to kill people? How would I care about how it _feels_? The story will be more amazing if she asked me _how_ I do it.

I ended up letting her question drift in the cold winter air.

"Hey, Gilbert."

She's in her serious mood today, and her initiative to start the conversation first kinda surprised me. "What is it?" I stare attentively at her.

She stared back at me, and surprised me even more with the bleary look on her eyes. "No matter how old we will be, no matter how many wars we will go through, and even if one day we have to face each other in a war, promise me we will always be friend. Promise me you will never change. Promise me we will be together. I don't want to lose you, Gilbert. You're my precious friend."

Once again she made me fell silence. I look deep into her eyes, and find warmth I've never seen there before.

I don't know why I'm so happy but sad at the same time.

I traced my fingers on the brunette hairs that covers her eyes, and swayed them behind her ears. Then I gave her my biggest smile, and said, "Off course I am not gonna change. No matter how old I will be, no matter how much wars I will gone into, I promise I won't change. I will be the same Gilbert for as long as you need me to be. I promise we will be together forever. We will watch each other's back. So promise me you won't leave too, okay?"

She returned my smile, then nod slowly. "I promise."

**.**

**.**

**.**

_Present time…_

My head hurts.

There are just too many memories. Too much _us_ on my life.

The time I spent with her –I kept them as my most precious treasure, brought them anywhere with me. It always made me feel a trace of warmth in my heart when I remember that she is smiling somewhere. And if Elizabeta is about to be someone else's, the warmth will no longer be there. Because it will hurt like hell to think that she is smiling, but that smile was meant for that particular-someone-else to see.

I will then live a miserable life. I will think about her every day, but that will be a sin because she is not mine to think about. I will dream of her every night, but it will no longer be a good dream but a terrible nightmare instead, because I know the dream will stay a dream forever.

_I don't want that to happen. _I loved her too much and I can't imagine a world where she is not mine to hold.

_I love you, Lizzie. I love you and I'm afraid to be alone without you._

How come I never told her that? How come I never fully realize it until everything's way too late? Since when did I became such a stupid, spineless coward?

I'm too afraid of the thought that the things between us will change if I told her how I feel. After all, I'm just her 'precious best friend', never more. And I don't mind it that way, for as long as I can stay close to her, seeing her smile blossomed in front of me.

But tomorrow in the church, Elizabeta will stand in front of Roderich, looks more beautiful than an angel itself, with white dress and an elegant wreath on her head. I know she will be the most beautiful bride in the world.

Tomorrow in the church, Roderich will hold Elizabeta's hands as if she's his to hold for eternity. She will smile at him, and from that moment onwards, her smile will only belong to him and only to him.

Then after Roderich's turn, it's her turn to answer the Priest's question; "Will you have this Man to be your husband? Will you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?"

She will answer '_I will_'. Tomorrow in the church, _Roderich will kiss her_.

It felt like my chest got hit by a big stone. _I just can't, God. Have mercy on me…_

For the first time in my life, I pity myself. I detest myself. And there, in my room, for the first time in my life, _I cried_. I cried for the past. I cried for the future. I cried for my Elizabeta, but mostly… I cried for myself.

**.**

**.**

**.**

Today is a dazzlingly sunny day.

The hard rain last night washed the earth, and leaves everything bright and shiny when morning came. The cheerfully chirping birds, the smell of spring in every wind blow. Today can be just another sunny days.

But to me, it's not.

I stared out of the window. I gazed far, far away; looking for something that I'm not even sure what. Something to calm me down from all this rush, maybe. Something to remind me that this is really happening. Something to tell me everything is going to be alright. But gosh, I don't found that something.

I sighed, hard. Once again, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I look more than ready with my wedding dress; the white, delicate, and drifting one made out of organdy with small ivory white jewels sewed to the hem with silver strings. The strands of my brunette hair were left unravel on my back, with a beautiful wreath of white blossoms on my head. Feliciano made the wreath for me, and my dress was chosen by Francis.

Everyone's happy for me, and I feel guilty for I'm not as happy as they were, for a reason I don't know.

Today will be the day I marry Roderich. Roderich is a really good person. He is a highly responsible young man and I know very well the fact that he will take good care of me. I will be okay with him. We will live a normal family –raising one or two kids, maybe. I will live a fine life and die a fine death. My future's looking alright.

_Yet why did I feel so restless?_

Is it because I'm afraid of the fact that I will be a married woman? That I will lose my freedom? No, I don't think so. I've thought about this day over and over again since I started living with Roderich, and never once I think of this as something out of the normal. I'm not even surprised when he asked me to marry him. It's just something that would normally happen, like everything has been written down in a script and all I should do is to play my role.

Yet why did my mind keeps reminding me of him?

_Gilbert._

I feel like a bad woman. I'm going to marry Roderich today, and my mind is full of another guy.

The sudden sound of the opened door surprised me, waking me up from my long-winded thoughts. It's one of my best friend and junior –Feliciano.

"Hi, sweetheart!" I gave him a smile. Look? I did it again, hiding all my thoughts behind a single smile.

"Elizabeta! Ve, heaven must be missing an angel today!" He ran to me, smiling brightly.

"Morning, Miss Héderváry." A tedious voice from the door shocked me, "or, should I call you Mrs. Edelstein already?"

"Ludwig!" I gape in disbelief, "You came?" Ludwig and I are never really close, and we only talk to each other in several random occasion. I've always think of him as a really busy man, from what Feliciano is telling me. And it surprises me that he actually managed to come.

"We came together! Lud is really busy, but off course he wouldn't miss the marriage of an endearing friend!" chimed Feliciano, still with a smile on his face.

"Everyone is coming, after all." said Ludwig, smiling sincerely to me.

I bit my lips. Will it sound awkward if I asked him about Gilbert? I mean, we're old friends, right? I sent him the invitation, but… I don't know… Somehow I just think that he will not come. _Yeah, there should be nothing wrong with at least asking whether he will come or not…_

Another sound of the door opened surprised me again.

"Look at our wedding girl~!" Laura's cheerful voice echoed in the room. She held a bouquet of soft pink roses in her hand.

"Hi, Laura!" I gave her a slight smile, "Is that my bouquet?"

"Yup. I made this with Erika." She hands the bouquet to me. "Be sure to throw it to me, okay!" said her in a lower tone. We both laugh.

"Who's the lucky guy, Laura?" I asked in a whisper.

"Please pray for me it would be Antonio!" She answered. We laugh again. Girls' talks are never boring.

Feliciano butted in, "Hey, hey! Don't leave me hanging! And morning, Laura! Did your brother came too?"

"Yes, he's talking with Honda-_kun_ outside! You know, old friends!"

Ludwig joins the conversation. "Kiku-_san_ is here?"

"Let's go there and say hi, Lud! C'mon, c'mon! I miss Kiku so much!"

Ludwig responded with a nod.

Laura finished off with a pat on my back. "Well then Liz, see you! Good luck!"

And with that, the three of them walked to the door and closed it, once again leaving me alone in this big room. Once again leaving me alone with my thoughts.

_In the end, I didn't got the chance to ask about Gilbert._

And I should get out of this room in about one more hours. I want to run somewhere. Maybe I'm really not ready for this. But I have made up my mind! _Why am I like this?_

_Gilbert._ I've given up on him long ago. I shouldn't be thinking about him now. Why can't I forget him already? I drowned too deep in my thoughts that I didn't hear the sound of the door opened behind me.

"Elizabeta."

I didn't even need to turn to look who's there. There's only one person in this world can make my name sound that girly.

"Oh, hello, Francis!" I tried to cover the staggers in my voice, "I think you would come faster."

"I was checking on the decorations. Things could go wrong here and there, darling."

I smile sincerely to him. "Thank you, Francis. You helped me so much."

"Right back at you. You helped my soul just by looking so incredibly beautiful today, Elizabeta."

I burst laughing. "What the hell is that?!"

"_Non, non_! A respectable woman shouldn't laugh like that."

I covered my mouth with one hand. "Yeah, sure..."

"And that's a nice bouquet. I see Laura and Erika done their job well." He picked up the bouquet I left at the table.

I sighed. The guilt I felt before got stronger. I gave him a sad smile. "Yeah. Everyone's been helping me so much with this."

Slowly, he put the bouquet back to the table. "What's wrong, Elizabeta?"

_Oh. I forgot this guy reads mind! _"Nothing. Well? I mean, what makes you think that? I'm okay."

"Is it Gilbert?"

_Wait, he can read minds for real?! _I pulled out an awkward laugh. "Off course not. Why would I think about him, of all people? At a time like this, too. He got nothing to do with me! He's just an old friend of mine and I…"

"And you?"

_And I am in love with him. And I want him to be here, to hug me in his arms right now. Oh yes, yes I do. And I want _him_ to hold my hand –not Roderich, not anybody else._

Before I even realize it, tears running down my cheek.

"Oh my, goodness! Don't cry, _mon cher_, you will ruin the wonderfully done make up!"

But I can't stop the tears. _Screw the 'wonderfully done make up'_. "Francis, what should I do…?"

"This is what you have chosen, right? Why do you regret it now, Elizabeta?"

I looked up on him. "Francis, you… _knew_?"

"Off course I do. Roderich knew it too. He knew all along that your heart belongs to another person, and that person is Gilbert."

That words hit me like a swing of a hammer. "He… he knew? Then why did he…"

"Because he simply loves you, Elizabeta, dear. And he is a thickheaded guy to begin with. He doesn't want to think about the fact that you love another person. Or rather; he's okay with that fact. He loves you, and that's all he cares about. He only wants to take care of you and makes you happy."

I can't utter a word.

"So what will you do now, Elizabeta?"

I sob. With a trembling voice, I mumbled, sobbing, "I am so cruel, Francis… just what have I done? I'm a really bad person… Why… How can anyone love someone like me..?"

Francis walked to the window without saying a word, leaving the heavy air hanging. Both of us stayed silent for another couple of minutes, before he finally said, "I've gone to Roderich's room before I got here."

I lift my head. "Did he say something?"

"I'm never really close to him, you know. But suddenly he believes me to deliver these words to you."

"What did he say?"

"Like I've told you. He knew that you love Gilbert. And he knew that he cannot make you happy, no matter how hard he tried, because that is something only Gilbert –and no one else– can do."

Francis stopped. And he stared directly at me as he said, "This marriage will happen if you chose it to be. You can cancel it if you think this would be too hard for you."

I only stared blankly at him, don't know what to think, and once again losing word.

"Elizabeta, Roderich wants nothing but for you to be happy."

My heart feels sore. I don't want to be the cruelest person in the entire world, so I tell him, "No, I will… I will do it, Francis."

He looked surprised. "But why, dear? Don't push yourself. He will still have you in his care, even though you're not married, you know?"

Francis' word hit me hard, again. Is that the kind of person I appear to be? A girl who always thinks about her own benefits? I want the earth to bury me, now.

"I've given up on Gilbert, Francis. I've given up on him long ago. Yes, even until now, I haven't succeed on it, but… I will try to forget him. I will learn to love Roderich. Time will help me. He has helped me too much, this is the least I could do for him."

"Don't hurt yourself, that's not what Roderich wants."

"This hurts me, true, but I'm alright. I've hurt him much more than this..."

Francis gives me a kind look. "You are a nice person."

_No, Francis, I am nowhere near 'nice', after all the things that I've done._

"Do you think Roderich will forgive me?"

"He will," answer Francis, "I know he will."

Finally I'm able to put up a smile. "Thanks, Francis."

"Now let me do something about that face of yours. Your eyes are swollen, for God's sake! Sit in front of the mirror, now! We don't have much time!"

**.**

**.**

**.**

The sound of the ringing phone brings me back to reality as fast as I drift away from it. I picked it up without looking who was calling. "Yes, hello?"

"Brother, where are you? The ceremony is going to start."

I sighed. "Somewhere. Why did you call me, Lud?"

"You sound like a sulking girl. Be a man and showed up already. You should face reality."

His voice tone amazed me. And that 'sulking girl' part strikes. Hard. "Why do you even care, Ludwig?"

"Why? Because I want to see _my_ brother."

I frowned. "Huh?"

"I lose him. He is not this coward. He is a great, brave man I've always looked up to."

"Ludwig–"

"You know Bro, if I'm in your position, I will do the exact same thing as you did now; sulking at home, not brave enough to come and face the reality. But you're braver than me, right? I believe in you. Please, I don't want to lose my brother."

His word silenced me. Not waiting for me to say anything then, he hung up.

I looked up at the sky. I feel weak. 'I don't want to lose my brother', he said._ What the hell was that?_

I just… I just don't know what to do if I actually go there. To sit there quietly while everything is happening in front of my eyes. Maybe I will cry again. God, I won't know where to put my face if _that_ actually happens.

Once again, my phone rings. _Ludwig again? Wait, no. Huh, this is..? Francis?_

I picked up the phone. "Yo, Francis. So, is it you or Antonio who is missing me?"

"Listen, Gilbert."

"Huh? What's with the serious mood?"

"Elizabeta is going to marry Roderich today."

_Oh, this._ "I knew that. You want to ask me to come? Sorry, but can you please just congratulate her in my place? I'm kinda busy right now and–"

"Don't you _feel_ anything?"

I stay silence for a few seconds. Once again I regret letting myself get drunk with him that one night. He knows almost all of my secret. He can blackmail me all the way he want. Like in now. I sighed again before answering, "How could I not? Off course I feel something, Francis. Scared? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. Hurt? Yes. But what can I do? If she really thinks that Roderich will be a nice husband for her, then–"

"You know what? It's been really hard to be the only one who knew that the two of you loves each other. Yes, you got that? Gilbert, she loves you, just as much as you love her. And even though I knew it all along, today she told me straight forward. And you know what? She said that she will try to forget you. That she will give up on you. Yes, that's the way you're making her feel, you dense donkey!"

This time I'm really losing my ability to speak.

"Yeah, yeah, go on and froze where you are! Gilbert, if you got time for that, came here already! It's enough that she thinks you don't have any special feelings for her, now at least don't make her feel like you don't care at all!"

"But aren't I… her precious best friend, or… something like that?"

"That's why you have little to no difference from a dense donkey, Gilbert."

"Francis, why don't you tell me this before?"

"The hell are you?! This is what's hard of being both your best friend and hers! So you think I will go, 'hey Gilbert, this one girl loves you, you know' like an idiot?! We're men, not a bunch of middle school girls!"

"And you don't told her about my feelings toward her?"

"Gilbert, that's not something _I_ should say!"

_I should have fucking knew it. Gilbert, you are a big idiot._

I scratch my head. "What should I do now, Francis?"

"There's basically nothing you can really do. She chooses to give up on you; she chooses to learn to love Roderich. And you will respect her choice."

"…will she be happy with Rod?"

Francis sounds surprised of my question. He answers with a lower voice, "Time will answer that. We never knows."

Suddenly, there is a sudden rush in my heart. "Now, has she said her vow?"

"Not yet, but oh, it's starting! Gilbert, you should come, or you are dead for me! Man up."

And with that, he hung up the phone. _Okay now, is hanging up impolitely is some kind of new trend?_

I put my phone on the table. _She hasn't said her vow._ Which means, it's not too late.

_Not yet, that is._

I run to my room. Now let's find a nice outfit to wear, yeah? A white coat will do. _No, wait a minute, did I even have a white coat?_ Oh, see here. Yes, I have one.

I put the coat on, then run out of the house. I didn't even remember to lock the door.

With my mix-and-match style –blue jeans, grey t-shirt under a white coat, sport shoes–, I ran as fast as I can, blew past the crowds, not even care that they were staring at me.

_Gilbert, this is a crazy idea. _That's what my brain tried to told myself as I ran. Between the thoughts of Elizabeta filling my mind like an intoxicating drug, there is still a portion of my brain sane enough to try to hold me back.

But _no_. Today, I won't let my brain took control. I've been thinking too much. No thinking this time. Just moving.

What did Ludwig said again? Ah, yes. '_He is not a coward. He is a great, brave man I've always looked up to'_.

No, Lud, it's not that I'm brave or anything. You got it wrong. All the time on your childhood you spend on admiring me, you got it all wrong. I'm not really brave. I'm just plain _stupid_. You can be brave when you stop thinking of the consequences and just _run_.

Running in the street, I feel like getting my old self back. My old, stupid self. _What will happen? Who gives a damn._ Ludwig got one more thing wrong. 'You should face the reality', he said? Don't make me laugh.

I don't face reality. _I create it._ If I want something to happen, _I will make it happen._

And even though this is an incredibly stupid thing I'm doing in the meantime to 'make it happen', I don't really gives a damn anymore. I just run and run, and willing not to stop until I can see her.

_Elizabeta. My dear love._

Will I make it? I hope it's not too late. I hope I'm not too late.

Wait for me, Lizzie…

**.**

**.**

**.**

"..._dear_?"

"_Darling_?"

"Elizabeta?"

Francis' voice heaves me from my thoughts. "Um, yeah?" I answered, looked up to him.

He returns my look with his usual friendly smile. "Are you ready?"

I nod. "Entirely."

He opened the white door in front of us. "Smile, dear."

I breathed out, then do as he told. And with that, Francis walked me down the alley. One step closer. Two steps. Three. The music started playing and I'm starting to get dizzy. I can see my friends in the row of seats. Feliciano, smiling as vibrantly as always. Laura, sitting next to Antonio, giving me a supporting nod, Alfred looks like he's about to laugh and Arthur is trying so hard to stop him from doing so.

And there, a few steps ahead, stood Roderich, in a black butterfly coat. He smiled at me; something he hardly ever did. But what's in that sad eyes he's having?

The last step brought me right in front of him, but I was dumbfounded, did not know what to do. His eyes paralyzed me.

"…_Roderich knew it too. He knew all along that your heart belongs to another person, and that person is Gilbert."_

Did I hurt him with my decision? _Am I really a bad person, after all?_

Before I realize it, the Priest has stood before the two of us.

"Will the two of you promise in the glory of marriage? Will you promise to be true to each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love each other and honor each other all the days of your lives?"

I looked deep into his eyes, trying to figure out its secret. I can found nothing at all, but still I continue, "I do."

But Roderich stayed silence. I stared at him in panic. _What's wrong? Why isn't he saying anything?_

Then he smiled to me –it's a really sad smile, it almost looks as if he's about to break down, there and then. He sighed, looking down, his voice staggers as he says, "I'm sorry, Elizabeta.. Even though it's your choice, but… I… I just can't…"

I think my heart stopped working for a step second there. The Priest looks like he's still waiting– the old man probably had a bad hearing. Francis is throwing a confused smile. No one seemed to listen to what Roderich just said, but still… Just what… What should I do now..? Everything rushed into my mind at once. It almost feels like those 'your-whole-life-is-flashing-before-your-eyes' moment. Maybe I'm really dying, here and now..

"ELIZABETA!"

That voice, together with the sound of the battered door, instantly drawing everyone's attention to the opposite direction. It gets really silent but confusion is hanging clearly in the air.

My heart skips a beat and I can feel my body trembling really hard. It's him. It's him. It's Gilbert. _What is he planning to do, suddenly barging in like that, now of all times?!_ I can't manage to look at him, and ended up buried my face on the marble floor.

But then I felt Roderich's fingers entangling mine. And even though I can't see it, I can feel his gaze forcing me to look up at him. I lifted my face in hesitation.

He just nodded at me, his eyes telling me that everything is going to be okay.

Still trembling, I turned my body to my side.

And there he stood. With blue jeans and white coat.. Backlit by the sparkling rays of shine. With that eager and serious look in his reddish eyes.. It's Gilbert.. My Gilbert…

**.**

**.**

**.**

I'm right. Elizabeta _is_ the most beautiful bride I've ever seen… With white gown and an elegant wreath on her head… No one.. –no, nothing– could possibly look as beautiful as she is…

**.**

**.**

**.**

He walked a fast step closer, two steps, then three… He looked exhausted. Yet he is smiling to me.. It's just a smile yet it feels like it cost my lifetime of happiness…

**.**

**.**

**.**

I walked to her a few steps, then I started running to her. I can feel everyone's stare fell on me. Confused stares, some surprised ones, even the excited ones… For a slight second I can see Ludwig's eyes looks as if they're about to jump out from his head. But I really don't care about them all… It's only _her_ that I care about…

**.**

**.**

**.**

He walked a few steps, then he started running. The Priest looks upset and frantic at the same time, and he's just about to say –maybe scream– something, but from the tip of my eyes I can see Roderich giving him a slight signal to stay silent. I breathed out and grab a hold of Francis' confused, excited, and astonished smile. But in that very moment I stopped thinking about anything or anyone at all. Anyone but_ Gilbert_.

He ran all the way up to the altar and gave me a really deep look, like he's searching for something in my eyes. Yet the smile hasn't left his face.

I want to say a lot of things at once, but with my mind on chaos, I ended up smiling on the verge of tears and muttering, "Gilbert… Why… Why are you even here..?"

He smirked as if the answer was already too obvious. "To take you away, off course!"

Then, just as fast as everything else he did then, he knelt in front of me, holding a white ring box, which he held out to me. A beautiful, lovely diamond sparkled at me. "Elizabeta, my love, will you marry me?"

Can't hold it in anymore, the first drop of tear run down my cheek. I am aware of my mind going numb, but somehow I can still feel Roderich's grip wrapping my hand tighter.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Elizabeta," he whispered to me, "I want you to be happy is all."

I stare at him in disbelief. His sad smile, his sorrowful eyes… "The real love of your life, the guy who supposed to stand here beside you to say the vow, is Gilbert. It's always been Gilbert."

He nodded to me the last time. I smiled gratefully at him, then looked down on Gilbert. "I.."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"_Off course I am not gonna change. No matter how old I will be, no matter how much wars I will gone into, I promise I won't change. I will be the same Gilbert for as long as you need me to be. I promise we will be together forever. We will watch each other's back. So promise me you won't leave too, okay?"_

"_I promise."_

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My first English fanfiction as well as my first Hetalia fanfiction! Review please~? ^^


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